I’m Leaving…On a Jet Plane – Don’t Know if I’ll be back again…

On April 27^th, 2006, eight days after my latest hospital admit, my family decided to have me life flighted down to UCSF in San Francisco. This was their last hope. Dr. KK discussed with my family this possibility. They were at a dead end with me and hoped for a new outlook at UCSF. The staff at SWMC worked hard all day long trying to get the insurance to cover the expense. When they were getting nowhere fast, my family decided they would put the expense on their credit cards. That’s when the CEO of the hospital stepped up and said, “No, you will not pay for this.” I don’t know how they did it, but they got the insurance to foot the bill after all.

On the evening of April 27^th, the pharmacy crew (my co-workers) came to my room to see me off. I’m told that there wasn’t a dry eye in the whole room. They all took turns telling me goodbye, not knowing if or when they would see me again. I looked awful. My face was so swollen from the steroids, I no longer looked like myself. I couldn’t hear or open my eyes. I was “asleep.”

My husband rode in the plane with me, while my parents and in-laws began the long drive down to San Francisco to be with me. I had no idea I was flying anywhere. As far as I knew I was still in Vancouver, WA, at SWMC.

I was admitted to the Neurological Intensive Care Unit at UCSF that evening, where I would remain for approximately one week. Every morning the doctor would come in and ask me questions, such as who the current president was and whether or not I knew where I was. I would get everything correct except where I was. In my mind, I was still in Vancouver, WA, which I would tell them every morning. Each time I got this answer wrong I thought it meant they would never let me leave. I felt like I was being held captive. I thought they were going to kill me. I was terrified.

During this time I also couldn’t tell the difference between reality and fiction. I would think of things I had seen on TV and be convinced that it was happening to me. I had watched the entire series of Seinfeld, and I kept saying things to my husband, implying that I was a character on the show. I would get so mad at him for not believing me. I thought everyone had gone crazy except for me.

Eventually, I was moved to the neuro step down unit, where I shared a room with two other patients. I was starting to come around a little bit by then. I remember one lady gasping for air. I thought these people must be trying to kill her, too. Where in the hell am I? I thought. I remember one night my mother-in-law, Edie, was telling me to calm down. But I couldn’t calm down. I was too scared. I had told my husband I wanted a divorce. I was upset because I thought they were all against me. I now know all too well what it’s like to lose your mind entirely.

I got an MRI at UCSF so the doctors there could get a fresh look at my brain. What they saw was surprising. Most of my brain was now enhancing with IV contrast. The doctors there said it looked like lymphoma. Knowing that my recent MRI didn’t show this type of enhancement, the doctors in San Francisco determined that this was likely inflammation, and not cancer. They decided to treat my symptoms and allow my brain to recover.

My symptoms at this time were tachycardia (increased heart rate), headaches, and anxiety. I was terrified, mostly because I was not in my right mind. Slowly but surely my symptoms improved, and I started to respond. I even started swallowing. I was so hungry after weeks of not really eating. I told my family that I wanted a McDonald’s hamburger. I didn’t eat meat, and I never eat McDonald’s, but I wanted them to know how starving I was.

When I finally proved to everyone that I could swallow again, I was able to pull out my NG tube. I had been trying to pull it out for days, but no one would let me. On May 10^th, 2006, I was well enough to fly back to Vancouver for inpatient rehab once again. The following email was sent out to our family and friends on the day I was discharged from UCSF:

May 10, 2006

Kari is being flown back home to WA today. She will be in rehab (physical, speech and occupational

therapy) at SWMC upon her return. She is still showing improvements. The doctors at UCSF have been

very honest about the fact that they do not know for certain why this happened to Kari. The internal

medicine doctors speculate that it may be from the chemotherapy. Kari has her second course of

chemotherapy coming up, so we sincerely hope that they are wrong! The neurology team speculates that Kari has suffered unnoticed seizures that caused the inflammation that showed up on her MRIs and

thus resulted in her condition.

Thank you for your continued thoughts and prayers!

The Norick and Crouse families